A Gift of a Child: Reflecting as Hudson Turns Two

I used to pretend to be a mom when I was a little girl. I would hold my baby dolls, I would feed them, and I would protect them from the boys. I imagined. Oh, I imagined. But I never imagined just how much a sweet gift of a child could be.

I remember that very moment I looked at Hudson’s face for the first time. How could I forget? The pain, the sweat, the tears, the hunger…. they didn’t matter. None of it mattered. All that mattered was that I was holding my precious baby boy. Finally.

I looked at that face and I knew him. I looked at him lying there all swaddled up, so tiny, so precious. And that face spoke to me. It’s indescribable, the bond between a mother and her child. We had prayed for this child. We had longed for this child. I dreamed of this child. I imagined taking care of this child. And here he was. What an absolute gift from our Lord, uniquely created for us to take care of.

But for many, the dream of having and holding a baby hasn’t come true yet. Some will lose their baby in pregnancy, some after giving birth, and some are just unable to get pregnant. It’s hard. The pain. The wondering. That deep desire to be a mother. We don’t always understand the plans that God has for us. But we must know that they are perfect plans. I mention these things, because in a small way, I have felt them. I understand the pain of losing a baby in early pregnancy. I understand the roller coaster of waiting to get pregnant, month after month. But beyond my own experiences, I know so many people who have gone through these struggles. God does not promise to give us children. And for me, I wasn’t sure He was going to give us any.  The biggest thing I’ve learned from my experiences and others’ is that children are a gift; not to be taken lightly.  I don’t write these things to bring back the pain, but to point to the  promise. The promise that God’s sovereign plan for us is always the best. And when and if He decides to give us children, know that they are a great blessing.   When I look in the face of my child, I know that he’s a special gift from the Lord. A gift that cannot be taken for granted. Every second of every day with him is a precious gift. I can’t forget that.

Today, Hudson Richard Thomas turns 2 years old. There are not enough words or time to describe how amazing these first 2 years have been with him. He is everything I ever dreamed of, and so much more. He is funny, sweet and tender. He is smart. He loves to sing and talk, constantly. (He must get that from us;) He continually brings us joy.

And now to my sweet Hudson,

Almost exactly 1 week ago from today, your birthday, you let me rock you to sleep. Contrary from your usual request to go instantly in your bed, you wanted me to hold you. I cherished that moment, as I have all the ones before it. Said so often, but true, you are growing up so fast. You are forming sentences and complete thoughts. You are creative. You love playing with mommy, because well, I’m just so funny to you. Hudson, You are loved. You are loved so much by Mommy and Daddy. But most importantly, you are loved by Jesus. We will fail you, but Jesus never will. One of my greatest fears is that you will someday be without your mommy. But your mommy isn’t all you need. You will be faced with pain, fear, sin and wickedness of this world. Look to Jesus. You will be made fun of. Look to Jesus. You will be disappointed and hurt by people in your life. Look to Jesus. Today, we are celebrating you turning 2. We will have cake and ice cream. Your friends will be here to help celebrate. We will have Thomas and Friends decorations everywhere. And you are excited. I can tell. You are very excited. You will get gifts from family and friends. But I want you to know the greatest gift of all is not of this earth. It is Jesus. It is the cross on which He died for us. One of your favorite songs to sing is “Jesus Loves the Little Children”. My prayer is that you come to really believe those words and find comfort in them. You are special to us, Hudson, and I can’t wait to celebrate many more birthdays with you! I love you!

Love,

Mommy

This is Joy under the Sun