Growing Together in Humility
This morning I woke up feeling like a train hit me. My head was pounding and I couldn’t seem to open my eyes…like literally, they were crusted shut. Gross. Hudson was up early, as usual, and I just wasn’t ready to get up.
Ricky and I were up late last night having a serious heart to heart conversation that resulted in many tears and laughter. I shared some of the frustrations and struggles I have as a wife and mother and Ricky shared his as a husband and father. It’s so interesting–the difference between men and women, and how things are misunderstood and misinterpreted often. Anyway, I was pretty tired and giggling one minute and then in buckets of tears the next. I felt both overwhelmed and excited about what God has been teaching me from day to day in my simple life. I felt like I was spouting things off to Ricky without getting a breath in.
Things like how I long to have a home that is clean and perfectly organized just once. Where all the projects are finished. ( I know, right?) How I wish I was better at planning meals and not complaining. How I want our family to be profitable with our time and make a difference in people’s lives. How I want Ricky to clean the toilet every Tuesday night. (I’m serious) How deeply sad I get when I hear of accidents like the church bus accident last week and how a baby is now without his parents. How I hate seeing others discouraged and sad and not knowing how to help. How I honestly sometimes think our house is the only one that has dishes in the sink, laundry everywhere, crumbs on the floor, and an unmotivated wife and mother twiddling her thumbs at where to begin. Sometimes it’s hard to get up and continue with life when there is so much sin and sadness in this world. But really, was I just feeling sorry for myself or honestly evaluating how we could be better as a family? How we could really be using our time more wisely. I think it was a little bit of both.
Ricky and I try to spend Thursday nights in prayer and reading. We have been reading Humility By C.J. Mahaney. Last night I was reminded of the fact that we need Jesus’ perfect example of humility: His death on the cross. In one chapter it says, ” So to hear the Savior speak the word ransom and understand it rightly is to be freshly reminded and affected by our own serious and sorry state, our miserable lostness, and wretched bondage to sin. We cannot free ourselves from pride and selfish ambition, a divine rescue is absolutely necessary….Your situation couldn’t be more hopeless.” At the end of the chapter it says,” What a powerful death! The cross ransoms, the cross liberates, the cross transforms! So make it your aim and lifelong habit, when you see someone who’s serving, to be reminded of the sacrifice of the Savior, for apart from his sacrifice there is no serving. True greatness is attained only by emulating the Savior’s example–and made possible only by the Savior’s sacrifice.”
I went to bed encouraged and glad to have been able to share my goals and struggles with my husband who lovingly listened.
I think I expected to wake up rejuvenated and refreshed this morning, but the opposite was true.
Hudson was fussy, he didn’t want to take his nap, and ants were coming in from every direction in our house. Yes, ants! And I know you’re thinking, “really? that’s why your’e having a bad day?” And the answer is YES!
(In addition to I haven’t showered yet today, brushed my teeth, gotten anything accomplished, and more ants are coming in) I’m learning that when I start feeling this way I need to stop and breathe and pray. I often think if I don’t accomplish whatever I have planned I have failed for the day. But honestly, it will be there tomorrow. And maybe I just need to sit outside with my son and enjoy the breeze and give Hudson blueberries so he can throw them instead of eating them…(I salvaged most of them, thank goodness)
I’m really glad Hudson can’t understand everything yet because surely I would have embarrassed him greatly today. I was singing in an operatic voice at the top of my lungs and dancing around the house like an insane person…yet he just smiled and giggled so sweetly at me. And I thought, thank you, little buddy! Although, he did kind of give me that look like, “everything ok, mom?”
I think a lot of times we compare our private lives to other people’s public lives. I’m thankful for the opportunities God has given us to go out often, as a family, and discover new things and drink coffee and find antique and vintage stores. And those times are fun and refreshing. But it’s often in the messiness of our day to day lives where we learn the most about ourselves and about each other. It’s where we realize we need God’s help every day to love and respect our husbands, to be patient with our children, to stop comparing our lives to others. Maybe it’s harder for women, but we often want to appear that we have it all together. That we are super moms. That we are organized. And that we rise every morning at 5 a.m. and read and pray. And I bet many of you are those things or do those things. But, many of us struggle with at least one or more. And that’s ok. For me, that is God teaching me humility and helping me understand that it’s only through His strength that I am able to accomplish anything. And oh how I’m thankful for those special days that He gives me when I’m able to accomplish much!
So, together as a family we are learning and growing. And I am thankful. I want to be as open and honest about the struggles we have and how God is using them to make us stronger and grow us closer to Him. I pray that we learn how to humbly serve others with our lives and that we teach our children to do the same. Be encouraged because you are not alone in this journey of life.
Now…about that shower….
This is Joy Under the Sun